The disruption – cancer
In February 2017, I came across a lump in my left breast. I have experienced lumpy breasts since the age of 16 and had been undergoing regular check-ups during that time. However, this time the lump was quite firm and different, so reluctantly I went to my GP for a check-up. I was then referred to Cork University Hospital for a scan – specifically a mammogram. I heard that if they don’t refer you to an ultrasound, you are fine.
Nevertheless, this time was different. Rapidly it went from that initial mammogram and ultrasound to a follow-up appointment with the top cancer specialist in Cork UH.
I remember going to that appointment hopeful, thinking it won’t be that bad. I knew in my gut that it wasn’t good news.
So, there it was: March 2017: My consultant said, ‘I am afraid you have been diagnosed with cancer: HER2 positive, stage 3.’ It is quite an aggressive type of breast cancer. So, we urge you to start treatment straight away.
Despite this news, I could only hear my then consultant saying, “We will borrow you for 6 months; we will try to mend you and take care of you,” and we normally review treatment after chemo no. 6. I asked then what the chances are. My lovely consultant said we can’t guarantee it, but it is normally 50 per cent, considering your age and no previous history of cancer in the family.
To my surprise, I didn’t cry, and I didn’t scream. I just worried and thought of my children, who were still small at that time (8 and 6 years old). I held on to one thing: hope.
To this day, my consultant likely remains unaware of how helpful those words were: “WE WILL BORROW YOU, AND WE WILL TAKE CARE OF YOU. BEAR WITH US.”
At the time, I had two jobs. My parents and siblings were living overseas. I kept most of it private — even from many close to me. I was still teaching my fitness classes for months during chemo. My students didn’t know. I didn’t want to be seen as “the sick one”. I needed to feel strong. I needed to find a way to still feel like myself and maintain my sense of identity.
